Creating A Warm and Inclusive Environment for Children

Building an inclusive environment that is caring and warm is imperative especially among children with additional needs. As an educator, I would like to emphasize two things that I would do to achieve this environment. One, in order for me to create that environment, I will build a supportive environment for all children. Secondly, I will build a supportive relationship with families.

Building supportive environment for all children is necessary because children need supportive relationships and interactions with those who are support providers and with their peers (Each Child Matters, 2014, p.61). It is essential for children with additional needs to have more opportunities to build relationships with adults and their peers. As educators, one of our roles is to understand and observe their strengths, needs and their style of learning in order to provide successful relationship-building opportunities (Each Child Matters, 2014, p.61). In doing this, we need to interact to with each child and navigate his/her strengths and challenges. Through our observation, documentation, gathering of information from his/her peers, and engagement with them help us understand the details of each child’s particular challenges and strengths. An example of doing this by interacting with them. We interact with the child through our circle time, when we have the opportunity to talk with the child and ask him/her questions like how was their sleep, what did they have for supper and others. Through simple interactions with them, we gather valuable information about their culture, interests, and the way they communicate with us. These pieces of information can be used to help us tailor their individual needs to support their learning, which is one of the most important roles we have as educators.

Another important thing in creating a caring and warm inclusive environment is building a supportive relationship with families. We know how vital knowing each child is under our care. It is also of great value that we take time to know their families in order for us to support them appropriately. Every adult in each child’s life is important for the child and they all play a role in all areas of development; emotional, physical, social and cognitive (Each Child Matters, 2014, p.63). An example of doing this is by communicating to parents, caregivers, and other adults we see who pick them up or send them to daycare. By talking to them, simple questions like how their day was, how’s the weather outside and other minor stuff make the families feel warm and welcomed. Through our constant communication with them, it provides us opportunities to observe them too, the way they talk and all those small details.

Forming a healthy relationship with parents provide advantages and benefits for all who are involved in guiding, caring, and teaching the child (Each Child Matters, 2014, p.63). These small chats create a gateway for us to know the family better. As a result, it will provide us a positive relationship with the children’s family under our care. From her book Parents to Partners: Building a Family-Centred Early Childhood Program, Jane Keyser, stresses the importance of and the benefits of the child seeing a positive, supportive, and nurturing relationships between the adults in their lives. It benefits two main categories in the child’s life; one, children’s emotional environment is conducive to learning and second is, children’s own social development is modeled on healthy relationships (Each Child Matters, 2014, p.63). Keyser describes that because young children are egocentric, they assume that whatever they see and hear is all about them. Therefore, when parents feel respected, nurtured and supported, children themselves feel respected, nurtured, and supported (Each Child Matters, 2014, p.63).

A Beautiful "Sorry": Teaching Young Children How To Apologize Sincerely (Without Telling Them To Do So)

It is not usually of ill-intention to teach our young kids how to apologize over situations that hurt others or ourselves. But it is usually very challenging to teach them how to apologize and just say "sorry," wholeheartedly isn't it?

Here's a very interesting story I'd love to share to you between my three year old daughter and her daddy. After finally reuniting for over three years,the two naturally have bouts of moments together. From fist plays to extreme emotional reactions against each other, observing them finally together is quite amusing for me. 

Her daddy had to process how things work between the two of them. The process is not like rainbows and unicorns at all. It's difficult and it's not always a happy ending at the end of the day. 

One of those difficult times is my husband's well-intentioned attempt to teach our child how to apologize sincerely. I believe this "issue" is not only true for my husband but to all other parents as well. 

Time and again, our toddler would show expressions that sometimes is blown out of proportion (which is very normal and should not threaten any parent) that results to hurting someone out of impulse, even me. I don't take it against her, and I don't require her to apologize for doing so. But, I get easy on her and let her know that she has hurt me. 

Whatever it is, as much as I would want her to say "sorry" I try not to go there. I do rather ask her what is she supposed to say or do when she hurts me or somebody. Of course she doesn't get it at first, so I model it. Then the process goes on and on until she learns how to do it without me reprimanding superficial acts of saying sorry just for the sake of saying it and satisfying the adult. 

If I keep telling her "SAY SORRY TO ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE HURT ME.." That's not teaching a child, that's called manipulating a child, and that's a parent trying to CONTROL a child. That's not the way it should go.

Tweak your phrase a little bit and the effect would not result to a reprimand, control or manipulation. I usually ask a question that would make her think what is the better way to address her actions than directly telling her to do this and that. "You have hurt me, what are we supposed to do now?" "You have accidentally done this, what do you think we should do?" Then when I make emotional outbursts too, I SAY SORRY TO HER. It's human to feel angry, and I need to apologize for terrifying her with my anger, and in any case, maybe have hurt her. So yes, I say it in words like "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." 

Sometimes her actions really annoy me or even hurt me. She sometimes jumps on me or leans on my chest with her elbow and I scream because I get hurt, so I get mad! and she gets mad too! So I demand of her to be sorry and apologetic because she did hurt me. 

But what's a child gotta do when they themselves are not sure how to respond?They dont just magically come to you and own accountability for hurting you, THEY JUST DON'T BECAUSE they need to see these skills from you. So please, stop expecting way too much if you yourself is not doing it. But even if you show it, you still don't expect they would learn it overnight.

So I learned to stop expecting and I started to be more forgiving of her incapability of apologizing sincerely. 

I changed my approach. When I demanded her to say sorry, she retracts and hides even more. She gets more mad, madder than me and she refuses to give in, like "sorry" is such a difficult word to say than saying a five-syllables word.

I always say sorry when she hurts me. I say sorry when she feels angry. "I'm sorry you feel that way ..," "I'm sorry you are angry at me, take your time.." Even if she has hurt me first.

Young children still don't have that sense of full awareness what to do and say when they hurt somebody. In fact they feel clueless how to respond when they hurt you, until they get to see it from their parents firsthand, they slowly and gradually understand this is how we all should do when somebody is hurt, regardless of who did it first.

So what happened between our toddler and and her daddy was a stimulus-response situation. When we accidentally touch a hot pan, we immediately withdraw our hand from that pan. Our toddler was the hot pan. She was excitedly playing and accidentally hurt her daddy from the groin. As a response, her daddy pinched her. She got mad, burrowed her face on the pillows and refused to look at her daddy.

Both got hurt. One made an accident and the other had no time to think and the reaction from the father resulted to the child's quick emotional withdrawal.

Her daddy reprimanded with authority and demanded an apology from our toddler. Our daughter continued to withdraw and showed no plans of apologizing. NOT A SINGLE chance she's gonna do that. She got hurt too, she was focused on the hurt and not on what she had done, because that's how sensitive little kids are to any forms of pain, physical or emotional. They get blinded by their own hurt, because young children are so much focused on their own world, not on other people's world, see the concept of what they see belongs to them, what they touch belongs to them, what they like, want, love belongs to them. The toys of other kids that they love belongs to them, any birthday celebration from family they blow candles they're not supposed to blow, because they are still so much focused on their own desires and impulses.

Going back to my husband's demand of apology from our daughter, it was to no avail. I was there, quiet and didn't interfere until my husband asked for my intervention. I didn't intervene too much though, in fact I didn't intervene at all. I just said to my husband, "You both got hurt, you had to apologize first.." He didn't respond to me but I can smell his huge reluctance and I can see his arching eyebrows despite the absence of lights. 

My point was, our child is incapable of owning accountability yet. But showing her how to do it was the way to go.

What happened next was an instant positive outcome. Despite my husband's pride and furious emotional state, he did it anyway. He calmly told our then sulking little angel "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I've pinched you..where did you get hurt? Let me blow it.." Like a magic, our Angel sincerely responded to her daddy, with a soft fine voice, "I'm sorry..." 

At this point, I don't want to tell my husband the I-told-you-so phrase, but he learned something, they both learned something 

Without any word of authority or demand or reprimand from any of us her parents, she knew what she had to do and say...then she allowed her daddy to hug her. 

That's all what she needed. This is journeying her days with her daddy. What me and my daughter had practiced does not automatically transform to her daddy. It is a relationship, it takes a tremendous amount of bond to understand and to know each other. My relationship between me and my daughter is already there but her daddy still has to undergo the process of establishing their connection which is happening everyday. I'm glad I have seen a great relationship happening right before my eye.

Happy parenting!

When in Holidays: Behaviors Coming Out From Nowhere (And How To Respond)

It has been about more than a month since my toddler had moved out from her comfort zone. This is due to our scheduled holiday trips prior to finally migrating to Canada. She has been going in and out to a place where she doesn't feel quite at home, and with people whom she has never met (or has personally connected)  for quite a long time. Some are with familiar faces, but not her usual everyday "people." 

You might wonder if my child has been "herself" when on vacations (short or long ones). Honestly, there are many things that surprise me. There might be some of yours too especially in these days of summer when a reunion with a lot of people takes place, or even a simple family outing to a new place may take a toll to our young children. 

Sometimes, we ourselves lose out of control as we see some challenging behaviors from our young children coming out from nowhere. These behaviors surprise us because they are not "naturally" like that  in their comfort zones or in their "natural" home. How do we respond to these challenging behaviors? and why do they act up so differently all of a sudden? Here are some reasons why:

Relocation. Whether that be a regular place that she visits to, my child normally is not "herself" when she suddenly relocates. Prior to taking our vacation, expectations were set and who is she going to meet. This is to let her be aware of the place where we are going and people to meet. However, there is still something that's disturbed from their usual system. Imagine a young animal being relocated to another place after being comfortably inhabiting in her own empire, that relocation naturally disturbs their usual routines and other rituals. In other words, their natural day cycle is being disturbed which includes usual play activity, eating/milk time, nap time and all. I believe this has so much truth in adults too, the difference is, adults are fully equipped with skills that make us deal with stress accordingly and respond quite appropriately to the physical and emotional demands of relocation. Our children simply are not. But this is not all about the negatives. This has a lot of  benefits too to a young child when being guided properly. 

Socializing. Yes. You've read it right. Our child may not be their usual self because they have been around with other people during the whole vacation. 

My child has surprisingly been mean to people at times. She has been influenced by people's behaviors and have responded to them based on how she is treated or being addressed, but quite frankly too, I'm impressed. She shows aggression all because some people have been playing on her emotions too! Example is how my father (her grandfather) playfully teases getting her new toy. She reacts with aggression because to her, that's her toy and toys are part of their serious business, so don't mess playing around like that to them. Sometimes, a simple verbal tease is fueling her to be aggressive too, and I'm not surprised. Even adults show aggression when someone pushes the right buttons. So why wonder when kids get aggressive? Our actions are the direct reflection of how we treat a child at a given moment, and more often, even a slight change in their regular daily routine can create a huge anxiety on them.

All these are part of socializing. As much as I can, I don't quite meddle almost immediately until I get the feel that she has been violated. I let her explore her strengths and allow her to deal with it without resorting to physical outburst. 

The influences she get from people is part of her discovery that shapes who she really is and all interactions she get from everyone around is contributing to her knowledge of shaping her personality. The catch is, you as an adult better be there when some of these influences are quite disturbing. 

The moment my child starts to copy disrespectful behavior, I immediately remind her that that is not her. That disrespect is not something that we all should do and we agree that disrespect is not a good behavior. I talk to her privately almost immediately when the behavior happens and make a follow-up conversation at the end of the day.

This is quite a long process and we don't expect immediate results.  Similarly, language development has been like that too! We talk to our infants but with the lack of their verbal skills, they cant respond yet. But give it a few months time, we get the surprise of our lives when we notice that all of our conversations to them suddenly make meaning, and they understand even utter words that we have been telling them months back! It is a similar concept too, when we keep reminding our children, the result may not happen immediately, because they need to practice it, they need to discover it, they need to apply it until they get to understand how things work. Our words are not ignored, it just takes time and patience in our end to keep reminding them day in and out until our voices become their talking conscience. 

Come teenage years, we will all reap what we sow. Whether we have been "remindful" enough to them or not, we will see how it is until they become teenagers and adults.

Anxiety and other Physical Stress. Relocation is in itself stressful. Overwhelmingly demanding both physically and emotionally. When my child just arrived from travels, as much as I want her to rest, I let her. But due to excitement and extreme excitement to a new place, reunion with some familiar faces, she usually does not get to rest after landing. A few moment of interaction, she suddenly explodes, becomes aggressive and just lose herself. What to do? Being tired from all the travels, sometimes we also just lose it. I suggest, the moment the heat boils up, take a moment to step back and take deep breaths. Let your child explode while you step out of the scene to gain composure and face your child when you are relaxed and calmer. In that way, you two don't get the demons out of you deal with it. Someone has to be an angel, and unfortunately, it has always to be the adult. Don't expect your child to miraculously carry the torch of light and flash the peace sign to your face. 

With all of these and some other reasons, during short or long trips let's give our children some break. It is not required to be a mean parent so let us not be one. 

Lessen your expectations or don't expect anything at all from a toddler. The moment you set expectations from your child, you lost the battle already. They are children, discovering children, exploring children and there is no right or wrong when we explore. Our guidance is their light, not our judgment and our aggression. 

Even in behaviors, they explode, they scream, they suddenly throw things and become aggressive, but stay calm and dont lose yourself with them. Stay grounded and be the leader in all of these emotional setbacks. Stay confident and realize that they are in need of your calmness in the midst of their aggression typhoon. Don't shame them and insult them. Let alone complain about their behavior. When they become adults, they too will stay focused and not panic and flood everyone with blame and complaints in times of trouble. 

Offer reminders when you can privately. While my child is inevitably growing and now more expressive and powerful in her bubble of thoughts, I find the need to constantly remind her now. When she becomes (unintentionally) disrespectful, I offer words like "I know it can get hard, I am here if you need help in calming down.."

In the end, what we all want most is for our children to remember their childhood days as something that they want to keep looking back on, filled with happy memories with us, so let's not deprive them of that.

Happy Parenting!!

Why I Gave Up On Strict School Standards

I have a confession to make. I'm appalled by traditional methods of parenting and "teaching" and it scares the soul out of me for my child. 

I have been into early childhood education field for almost 8 years. I was a teacher using traditional methods and it was until I became a mother that made me realize that I have done such a tremendous error in teaching back in the days. 

I was the traditional teacher in a classroom filled with 3-4 year old toddlers, some were as young as 1.6 year olds, and others about 4-5s. I used to make lesson plans, reports, follow curriculum, and all other "important" teaching tools, visual aids and stuff. But guess what, that was a huge blunder. However, like any other life blunders, we learn from it. A mistake that led me into a better practice, and a calmer mother.

How come following a "curriculum" or making lesson plans are now defaced in some educational philosophies? There is a huge and research-backed reasons for that. Ok, i still use visual aids though, but that is no longer about "entertaining" children. 

I am a heavy follower of REGGIO EMILIA approach. If you have not really heard about that, it's quite an age-old approach actually back in world war II days. You may look up for a more profound understanding about the approach. 

Why lesson plans scare me?As an independent homeschooler, I follow no curriculum, i make no lesson plans day in and out, I don't create ANYTHING at all. How did I survive homeschooling my child? I follow my child. I follow her lead, not her following my "teaching" agenda. She is my curriculum, our themes are formed based on her interests, there is no timeline or limit when to stop or move to another topic.

I am scared of lesson plans and pre-planned activities for the day, or themes for the week, and all other things that are prepared by adults. Why? 

My child has her own unique way of exploring, discovering, learning, questioning things. If I make preplanned activities for the day, I rob my child's natural way of doing things in her own. I rob my child's chance to imagine things on her own. I rob my child's capacity to define things on her own, to make meanings of things she does, to understand things in the way she operates. 

When I was a teacher, we prepared themes and lesson plans. Regardless of whoever child is participating, we teach what's written on the lesson plan anyway. That method scares me until I became a mother. 

What if, it is not my child's interest?the subject does not appeal to her?what if my child is just not into it? Do we label her as stubborn, unparticipative, uncooperative or simply lacks social skills? I dont think so. 

Fast forward, I became a mother, then I realized the value of connection to a child. I realized the value to going deeper than just papers and worksheets. I realized, it is not the portfolio's that calculate my child's intelligence. It is her that matters. Not the lesson plans, not the output, not the hardcopied collection of worksheets. It is my child that matters. It's how I guide my child to be more inquisitive, more questioning about all that exists, it's how we discover things together, learn things together. It is not giving direct answers to her questions, it is how we both question things and discover the answers together.

Do I get this kind of focus in schools? Does my child really become the best of who she is in schools? Or maybe, she becomes too competitive and get obsessed with award in schools? To get credit that proves of her intelligence? Knowledge is not proven by a number or grade. Intelligence is not measured by awards. Skills does not progress when it is not your interest. So yes, I gave up on strict school standards, I gave up on lesson plans, I gave up on curriculum and themes...because without all of these adult-made subjects, my child continues to learn based on her own interests, at her own time and pace.

Photo credit: Google Images

Happy Parenting!
Follow my blog for more posts about early childhood and parenting.
Follow my facebook Homeschool page:
Angels Homeschool Academy Project 

Teaching Reading and Writing in Toddlers

I have observed there are a lot of parents who are obsessed about "making" their very young children learn how to read and write. When I was teaching preschoolers between the ages of 3-5, parents are panicking on their children's reading and writing skills. Worry too much on their ability to read and write. And if their children haven't developed the skills yet, they question the teacher's ability to "teach" or the school's quality, or even question their child's "intelligence." The worst thing is other parents judge other kids in school that makes that child's parent feel irresponsible about their child's "incompetence."

So what does it truly mean when we say "literacy?" In early childhood, it is about reading and writing. Is there a specific age wherein we should make a child read or write formally? The answer is none, there should be no specific age. Then why do preschools bother teaching them? It has so much to do with standardized skills measurement and other "issues." The early childhood education organization all around the world are now spreading this awareness that we as educators should follow every child's individual development not what is something that is set by the government.

But it is rather a step that is not as easy to implement in schools due to issues like parents themselves are the ones demanding for such skills to be aggressively taught in order for their child to "catch" up with their peers. Then the issue becomes a loop, schools are supposed to "educate" these parents. On top of that is the business side when school owners want to get their marketability that all students in their school gets to read by age three or so--which should not be the case. So whatever it takes, for the love of gaining high profit, it doesn't matter to grill the child with phonics in one hour, who cares, they deliver their mission and the child actually is not of their main concern now, but addressing their marketability and addressing parental demand. The child? Do you really think all schools honestly think only about your child's struggles? Think a million times. Your role now is to question your child's school on how they do things around. But how to question if you have limited knowledge about natural reading and writing development? This is what this blog is all about.


What is natural literacy-rich environment? How do you make sure your child is "naturally" developing? Why is it so important?

"Children immersed in language and literacy in the home, have been found to do better at school and it begins pre-birth. As infants hear music in the womb they are able to connect that rhythm and beat to sounds they hear after birth. Language and literacy includes verbal and print media so books posters, signs and symbols in the environment stimulate conversations. Language also includes non-verbal communication through body language, gestures and facial expressions. The development of communication therefore, requires plenty of opportunities for children to practice speech. This is where talking to and with your child will make a big difference. Play environments where dressing up, pretending, drawing, storytelling, having puppets, painting music and songs all help children develop pre reading and writing skills. Basically every opportunity to interact lends itself to developing language and literacy skills from pre-birth to primary school. Most children immersed in language at home, develop strong language and literacy skills.
-EARLY CHILDOOD DEVELOPMENT

-The Six Basics Eleni McDermott 2009

So let's start with the first question:

What is a literacy-rich environment?

The process begins even before birth. Literacy provided naturally means there is no agenda in aiming to "teach" reading or writing at all.  It is the general experience of the infant child and the world around him/her.

The interaction that happens between the infant and the environment, including his primary care giver is very vital to the development of the much needed skills later on. 

Examples are:

√ singing aloud, listening to music

√ talking to your infant/toddler as often as you can (talking to non-verbal infants does not make you crazy, it helps your child develop, and NO it is not a MYTH, they respond through body gestures and responding to their non-verbal cues is already a communication)

√ interact during plays

√ eye contact when conversing with your child

√ reading stories repeatedly, puppet shows, shadow time, etc

√ providing writing tools for them to explore (pens, paper, markers, paint brush)

√ modelling a love for reading (they see you reading something so they will see how much you value reading)

√ providing reading materials for them to browse, books, magazines etc.

√ posting labels, print-related (materials that simply make a word like "menu," "medicine kit," or anything that doesn't necessarily tell a story but forms a word) signs, maps, etc.

How do you make sure your child is naturally developing?

Believe it or not, they already are developing since pre-birth. The key is basically providing them materials or tools that would help them build their literacy. You as the parent too has so much to do in helping them build a natural literacy-rich environment by setting up labels on their toys for example.

Why is it so important to create a natural literacy-rich environment for your child?

The general idea is to allow our children enjoy in an environment that provides rich literacy that is much needed for their skills later on or until they are school-age.

From birth until the age of 8 years old, your child's experiences affect their development of literacy which means, if you fail to provide an opportunity for your child the experience they need to build their literacy skills, it can potentially limit their reading and writing levels they can ultimately attain.

Each child has their own experiences while growing. Therefore, we cannot expect the same result for a group of 4 year olds to be reading fluently or writing properly. Most children learn to read by age 6 or 7. Very few read by 4, some needs intensive support by 8 or 9.

A kindergartner may have a level of a 3 years old in terms of her literacy development or a 3 year old may display a level of that of an 8 year old in her literacy development, and that doesn't matter--if only standardization is not imposed, there should never be a reason to push our children to read when they're not yet ready. 

As a conclusion, let us not try to hurt our children by putting so much pressure when they are supposed to be in the playground still, gaining experiences, interact with others, observe letters or signage around them. That experience alone is contributing to their literacy, so let us not focus too much in the four-walls of a classroom. Literacy is learned in a continuum, not in pure isolation.

How To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Child

For more than three years being around with my toddler, it has been a heartache, pure bliss, anxiety, euphoria, and all whirlwind of emotions mixed up. I get a great sense of becoming my most human self.

I feel, I forgive, I apologize, I acknowledge, I accept, I welcome or embrace her childhood and sometimes when the need arises, I suck in whatever unnecessary emotions I need to just to show to my daughter how to take leadership on things that we sometimes don't need to complain about, things that she can't do just yet, things that she demand, or things that we needed to do.

I suck in all emotions just to take leadership that sometimes, the world does not revolve around her--eventhough she means the world to me. Within those sucking-in of emotions, she never knew how it sometimes breaks me all because I want to give the world to her. But I try to be honest as much as I can.

Within our times together, we celebrate expressing our emotions. I tend to sometimes exaggerate the feeling of excitement, joy, fun and happiness because that is my natural self, not ashamed to admit. I sing aloud, I dance, I jump, I express happy things deliberately and she sees it. So she copies me.

In times of tension between us, I apologize to her. When its her turn to upset me, she apologizes to me, without me asking for it.

Those are simple expressions of emotions that are vital for every child to understand. However, it doesn't just happen automatically. You as an adult should be able to model it to them until it comes out naturally from them, like apologizing.

What are the things that we need to remember in order for young children to develop emotional intelligence? Here are some tips that I believe were very helpful in raising my emotionally intelligent child:

1.) Storytelling. This is a very powerful habit that just brings about almost all important domains that we need to help the child uncover and discover. Expressing emotions is just one of them. You can take advantage of showing all forms of emotions when you deliver the story with whatever the charater in the story is depicting.

2.) Be Genuine. Expressing your emotions should be genuine. Young children are like dogs, they can sense tension and anxiety in you arising. If you feel upset or frustrated, do not fake it. It's okay to get upset or angry. However, express your anger in the manner on how you want your child to express them. If you can't help it, remove yourself from the situation.

3.) Name your emotions, verbalize. This is very effective. I talk it out when I am upset. I don't just sulk and keep quiet. My daughter has also mastered naming her feelings, whether she's excited, upset, angry or happy. Amazingly enough, everything else followed if she wants something, she verbalizes it openly, expresses what's in her heart openly. She even demonstrates them!

When its your turn to be upset, tell them the reason. In this way, you are teaching them to explain what makes them upset too. This saves you from becoming a fortune-teller and added stress, guessing why your child is acting up. My three year old can verbally express what makes her scared, worried, happy or upset.

4.) Be consistent. When you tell your child something, do it. Do not sway away. When it's no, then it is a no, yes when it is a yes.

5.) Forgive them for being a child. Young and older children 8years old and below need our warm guidance over and over again. They don't need our unnecessary comments on what they can not do. For example, if they forgot to keep their clothes on the laundry basket, you don't need to tell them how irresponsible they are, or be sarcastic and tell them "you are a big girl already, dont you still know what to do?" Instead, consider giving them comments like "I noticed you have not dropped your clothes at the laundry basket, please remember where to keep them after use."

6.) Acknowledge feelings. Don't panic when your child cries, gets angry or frustrated. There are times when children especially young ones cry out of frustration, and that's okay. Acknowledge by saying "you are crying because you want to go to the slide.."

Offer words of understanding like telling them "I understand why you are crying..", "I am here when you need to talk to me.."

7.) Forgive yourself for upsetting them. At this point, I still feel guilty at times for not being gentle to my toddler. I even feel bad and cry about not responding to her needs appropriately. You can never model self-regulation skills if you are too hard on yourself. We need release of our emotions and stress in order for us to lead them appropriately.

8.) Offer words of Empowerment. Have you seen those youtube vids of daddies empowering their little girls first thing in the morning? That is that! Perfect example on helping your child believe in herself/himself. Filling them with optimism makes a big difference.

However, empowering your children doesn't have to be overdone. When your child tries hard to climb on the ladder and is asking for your help, saying "you can do it!" as your ways to empower their spirit may unnecessarily create pressure than trying to empower them. When your child asks for your help, offering your hand is all they need, not your words.


Raising emotionally intelligent children needs leadership, warmth and respect. You do not always need to agree with your children, but you are also not invited to talk with sarcasm to them if you do not want them to be sarcastic to you.

The world has such a huge space to express your emotions, so be free, dance and sing when you can! But if it's not your personality to be that expressive, at least practice calmness, kindness and self-regulation.

Change yourself in order for your child to see that in you. You will never be able to see what you want to see from your child if you yourself dont bother how to interact appropriately to them.

In the end, nothing compares to embracing your child's weaknesses, faults and plainly being a child. The more we accept their vulnerabilities and acknowledge them, the better they connect to us and runs back to us when they become teenagers and adults, because we never judged their feelings when they were young. 

Happy Parenting!

Animal Sounds and Other What The Heck's in Early Childhood

This is not about being harsh to people who loves teaching animal sounds to young children. Just an observation and a quick spark of some questions while wandering off in the messy world of balancing realities and the not-so-real things seen on youtube.

I was watching a nursery rhyme video my daughter tapped from my phone. It's been quite sometime since we stopped watching those supposedly "educational" nursery rhyme vids you often see on youtube, since she has elevated to a more sensible things to watch from the laptop.

As I watched along with her, I couldnt help but contemplate on the dancing cow, swaying monkeys and other odd-looking movements of an animal. What exactly are these videos trying to convey to young children? Not to really challenge every science over everything, i just noticed and began to question myself, why the heck would a cow dance that way? Or a monkey sound that way, or a horse dance like some confused animal while producing the sound they "supposedly" make. 

As far as reality is concerned, I don't see the relation between trying to show a video of confused animals to enhancing whatever skills a child needs to enhance. Why do we even teach fake animal sounds to young children? 

I had no issues about these things, my daughter also watches those when she was really younger---and I do not exactly know why I let her watch confused animals. I don't try to evaluate everything, in fact this realization came only tonight..

I couldn't help but connect the idea as well on why do we let children, i mean toddlers, study shapes, colors, alphabets, numbers, forced to read, drilled with phonics, forced to write, etc...when there was no scientific study that these things are integral part on being a human being. Compared to looking deeply on what's essential, their socio-emotional intelligence and other skills every human being needs to "succeed" in this world.

As I watched the video and wandered off in the land of questions, I couldn't help but ask, how complicated have we made early childhood these days? Or do I rather ask, how quick do we replace real connection between children and real things with these non-sensical videos? Surely it is very entertaining, but these questions made me ask, why the heck would people want to project to young children a dancing cow, confused horse or an annoyed-looking monkey?