What exactly is individual interest? In its simplest form, let me give you an example. In our daily routine with my sweetcakes, I always make it a point that I'm giving her enough freedom to choose the pyjamas she likes. It has always been our routine after bathing, I let her choose by herself which one she wants to wear. There are times, I trim it down to preparing two pj's and let her choose which one suits her mood for the day. Indeed, she gets the feeling that her choices are ok, and we settle with it.
Another example of individual interest is about colors. Most adults primarily already has a built-in stereotyping when it comes to colors and so with other toys. Blue is for boys and pink is only for girls. One time, I needed to buy her a new toilet seat. The lady apparently offered automatically the only available color she believes suitable for girls. I looked at my little toddler looking like it didn't suit her taste, so I told the lady, give me another toilet seat whatever the color is. My sweetcakes interestingly examined the choices, one is pink and the other is blue. I knelt down to her level and asked, which one do you like here? She gently pointed to the blue one. I asked her again, are you sure you like this than the other one? She said, "yes." So I then added, that choice is nice! You've got cute animal design on it! She squealed excitedly and told me she's gona hold on to it when taking "poopo" so she wouldn't fall.
Looking at the two examples, most of us tend to choose things WE would want for them. Adults ALWAYS feel that we know better than them. Seriously, when it comes to child interest, how many times have we intervened too much, to choose this and that, blue is for boys, kitchen set is only for girls, and dolls are EXCLUSIVELY for girls? No freaking way! Who says that household tools toy set is only for boys? Apparently, I have saved your time researching loads of resources that says pink is only for girls and computers are only for boys. There is none. It's just US and our stereotypical minds.
If we keep on intervening a lot on simple choices of our young children, we are teaching them to be dependent and insecure about their own decision-making skills later in life. There are so many helicopter parents who never had bad intentions, and are still clueless about it. But those who grew up to these types of parents can always look back and make changes on how to raise their own.
Even when our kids are at play, The moment we step in to their world of play, we intervene. It is very critical to evaluate our phrases first before we utter things to them. Not all play intervention is harmful, in fact we sometimes need to intervene. But how do we know when it is already becoming too much and when it is not? When a child plays, it would be helpful to observe them and not disrupt them.
Observation is the key. Quietly observe them first and stop telling them what to do, telling them what to do is too much intervention already, I'd say, its more similar to intrusion. Things like "this is how a dinosaur should look like baby...." is definitely not a good thing when your child is trying her best to put it together. It is rather appropriate to offer our mastered skills of crafting ONLY when they seek help. Whilst it is not a taboo to ask them questions like, "why do you love making this shape?" it might be necessary to stay back until we find them sharing things on their own moment, not ours. When your child is fully engaged in playing, it is our turn to keep quiet and stop trying to "teach" them how things are supposed to be done. There is no correct and proper way to play.
A child may almost always express their unwantedness on something in a lot of ways especially in play. Things they are not interested to would always require them to say NO. At this point, their NO should be listened to, welcomed and respected. Forcing and insisting what WE ADULTS want will leave them feeling devalued and ignored. When a child gets quiet and deeply engaged, don't interrupt. Quietly observe them and let them enjoy the momentum.
To quote from the article released on Saturday, July 16, 2016 entitled Be The Spark That Ignites The Flame, it highlighted the respectful way of caring for young infants and children without too much intervening on their own world.
"Magda Gerber, mentored by Emmi Pikler, traveled to Los Angeles and carried the flame with her. Gerber'sEducaring® Approach incorporates:
"...a deep respect and appreciation of the baby as more than a helpless object, Magda Gerber’s Educaring® Approach encourages infants and adults to trust each other, learn to problem solve, and embrace their ability for self-discovery. When allowed to unfold in their own way and in their own time, children discover and inspire the best in themselves and in others."
- Resources for Infant Educarers"
Interestingly, young children's interests don't just end there. Some are just objects for them to investigate, explore, discover and see how a specific object operates. It poses a great oppoertunity for us to help them develop critical thinking by asking how one thing leads to another. These are the great opportunities for us to guide and learn alongside with them how a certain color changes when mixed with another.
Developmental Phase. It is a Filipino belief or pride and often a misconception, I have noticed, that one or a mile step ahead is better. It is undeniably better to be one step ahead but it doesn't apply in ALL things, especially in early childhood. Aiming to be "advanced" and asking the school administrator to "move up" their child to a higher level is an everyday dilemma I face while managing the learning centre. Traditionally, adults take pride and even boast that their child has been advanced one year ahead from their original birth year. I personally don't find it encouraging for young children. School administrators and educators know when to move every child who NEEDS to be moved to another level higher than their age groups and we do it because it is very necessary. It is not something that is given to any child just to feed parental ego. It is appropriately given and it is almost UNNECESSARY and might even be harmful to move them up should parents insist.
This is a concrete example of too much intervention on their developmental phase on the academic side. Young children are supposed to be assisted on things they are WILLING and READY to do, not PRESSURE them with challenges that we adults deem as necessary.
Talking about academes, there has never been a study that a child is required to learn the alphabets, numbers or know colors at a young age. There has never been a research that will testify that studying shapes and memorizing numbers at the age of three is helpful for their everyday survival. It is the society which has made this pressure among parents. But somehow in our adult world, we are impressed at how a young child memorizes the numbers. We are so often get busy at "teaching" them a lot of things and if they don't get it, we end up getting frustrated and brand the child "slow." As a result, we yell, we lose our temper and break down. What exactly are we teaching them? It is beyond the numbers and the alphabets. It is not wrong to send your child to school at an early age, but it pays to deeply scrutinize the type of school and their mission in guiding young children. I would never recommend any preschool that overly pressures children with assignments and drill them with alphabets and numbers. No thank you. It is not impressive at all.
Sadly, in Philippine setting, more young learners are given tremendously disappointing standardized workheets and the results upsettingly influence their evaluation cards.
There are hundreds of available studies how pushing academics on children as young as 4 year olds can harmfully damage children's wellbeing. Quoting from my favorite blogger Janet Lansbury's entry on her blog entitled 4 Reasons To Ditch Academic Preschools:
"Funneling academics down to preschools to “better prepare” children to deal with an already overly academic Kindergarten experience is a waste of time, and this “miseducation”, as Dr David Elkindrefers to it in Miseducation- Preschoolers at Risk, can cause “damage to a child’s self-esteem, the loss of the positive attitude a child needs for learning, the blocking of natural gifts and potential talents.”
Here is the link of her entire blog which I urge every parent to read, that yes, WE CANNOT RUSH DEVELOPMENT. http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/4-reasons-to-ditch-academic-preschools/.
In the end, let us not fail to realize that what our children truly need is a community that accepts their individuality, we cannot put words on our children's mouths if they want to express something. We cannot dismiss something so beautifully interwoven into their richly-thinking brains and tell them that a rainbow only has 7 colors. In creativity, there is no standards to be followed, and by intervening too much, we are killing the child's ability to think and imagine.
Happy parenting!
