Today marked my sweetcakes' 5th day bathing by herself. It's bittersweet. She has her own independence now, practiced at its best. I waited until the fifth day to somehow "rejoice" in the sense that it made my motherhood days felt the sense of fulfilment. Another milestone marked on the walls of my heart. I waited for the fifth day as well to see the consistency when she decided to bathe by herself..indeed, she consistently chose to do it by herself, at her age of three.
It was Monday when all of a sudden she told me, "Mommy, I want to bathe by myself." It was quite surprising for me to hear that, as our routine is always the two of us in the shower. But that day, she asked for it. I let her. Of course with close supervision.
The first day, I couldn't help but kept peeping at her by the slightly opened door, a curious mom would be doing the same thing I did, for safety and of course, just being sneaky. From outside, I asked her if she has put soap on her arms, armpits, legs, etc. she replied, "not yet mommy" so I waited..in less than a minute, I saw her small hand reaching for the soap. I beamed with a mixed feeling. She's not a baby anymore.
I tried, with all my sneaky moves to peep again, but she caught me! She pushed the door and emphasized, "Don't see my p*p*!" I hurriedly answered back, "I'm just checking for the soap!" Outside the toilet door, I realized she really meant it when she said she wanted to do it on her own, I can no longer interrupt (though not strictly as I still have to double check on her inside), I need to respect her "privacy."
When she was done bathing, I excitedly wrapped her with the towel and asked her how it went. But she moved away from me and said "Don't wipe me! I want to wipe myself" Quite ridiculous this independence thing! I just don't know how much I actually like it! It's robbing my time with my baby! Power struggle, eh?! Nah, not really. I am giving her all the space she needs.
I used to hold her in my arms, cup her face with my big hands, lather her with soap and play bubbles together, wipe her dry...but I don't think I still have so much of that after her consistent 5days self-bathing. She's practiced so much independence eversince she realized she can do it on her own, right before I even realized it.
And on her fifth day, she asked to brush her teeth, by herself. That is something I cannot allow just yet. She asked for it in fact even before, but she would calmly surrender by taking turns, she does it by herself first, then she I would brush her after her turn. That's what I also did today, though quite a struggle, since she wouldn't let go of the toothbrush! Well, this time, I surrendered, gave her the opportunity to do it. Yet, we still ended with my turn.
Then again, I wanted so much more. More of our bathing moments together. How come she suddenly didn't want me in? Is this the same feeling I'd feel when she wouldn't want me to play with her anymore? When she would no longer feel the need to call me for bedtime? Ask for milk, read aloud to her, or maybe hug her...? It is big deal for me, after all, I have spent almost all of my days for three years with her. Now this. Independence would just freely take it away from me. Not a good feeling.
On a positive light, this situation is one good example that children, as young as three years old, are capable of doing things, BUT, it has so much to do with readiness and providing opportunities for them to practice the needed skills in life. Readiness, in all sorts of every child's life, be it about sitting,rolling, walking and the list goes on. As for me, I am so guilty for walking my baby when she was only less than 12 months and at that time, my sweetcakes was not really trying to navigate a lot on her own, it was quite pushy on my part to walk her...only I found out later about the importance of readiness and how parents should respect their child's developmental readiness and rather, be patient, wait and be surprised!
It doesn't matter whether your child learns to shower later than 3, in fact it is nothing standard. What matters is, whenever they ask to do something on their own, do not deny them the chance to learn things on their own as long as it is far from tearing their bones apart. Be there to simply make them feel they can do it, build their confidence.
What did I learn about my child's readiness for self-bathing? I learned that a child can always do something ONLY when they are ready. That is true with the rest of every child's developmental milestones as well. They know what they are capable of doing and they will always do things anyway no matter how risky we think it is. But isn't it important too that our children need to see it from us that we believe in them? Had I stopped her from bathing herself-- because my paranoia is just around the corner-- would it be more damaging to her self-confidence that I, as her mother, is not trusting her? I have learned that, allowing my child to try it on her own, I am giving her a gift of a lifetime -- belief in herself that she can do it no matter how imperfect it is on her first tries. She did it, anyway.
Happy parenting!
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