It was breakfast when my toddler requested to watch Alvin and The Chipmunks from her cousin's laptop. Her oldet cousins are aged 12, 11 and 8. All were way older than her.
Her cousins were still using the laptop. Her request was something that's not mine to control. Cousins were on their laptop and my little one wanted to watch the video. Hhmmm..she asked for the movie.
If I use my adult power, I can easily request it from them and ask them to give the little one a chance. But wait, what will I be teaching my toddler then? Will I be teaching her respect to other people if I oust her cousins in favor of her request? I don't think so.
So what I did instead was talk to my little one to ask her cousins if it's ok to watch the movie with them. She agreed. She went inside the room and asked her cousins politely. They agreed. They watched together. It was all good. I was happy. They were happy.
After a few minutes, my little one came to me again and said, "mommy, I want to watch here at the sala.." hhhhmmm... I told her, have you asked your cousins? She said yes. So I asked "what did they say?" She said, "they said, NO."
Alright. I thought what to do for awhile. While looking at her, I politely told her that the laptop does not belong to us and if they refuse to bring it to the sala, that means we respect what they say. She begged. "Mommy, please come to me and tell them...."
There goes her toddlehood agenda kicking in. I knew what she wanted me to do. But I stayed firm at telling her it is not our choice to decide. We respect what they say. The laptop is not ours and we cannot do anything about it. If you wish to still watch the movie, join them in the room and watch it there, I said.
She begged and got teary. I was a little anxious since I didn't ever want to turn her down. But I stayed calm and firm. I'm sorry my love, we can't force them.
She sat down with me while at the dining table and started to grab the Tarzan book within reach. She browsed the book and started to ask some questions. In my line of thought, I got relieved.
In early childhood education, there is this term we call "teachable moment." To quote,
"A teachable moment is an unplanned opportunity that arises in the classroom where a teacher has an ideal chance to offer insight to his or her students. A teachable moment is not something that you can plan for; rather, it is a fleeting opportunity that must be sensed and seized by the teacher."
In this case, the teachable moment was not only for her, but for me.
I thought, had I give in to her request in bringing the laptop at the sala ignoring her cousins refusal, I wouldn't be teaching her respect.
I learned, when you take leadership in every situation your child is into, small conflict as this won't progress into bigger ones in the future. It was an opportunity for me, to stand my ground, teach my child about respecting other's decision and discipline my child in a non-threatening way.
In children's world, it is not every parents' battle to intervene every single conflict they encounter with other children, neither our job to manipulate other children in favor of our own child's requests. Our role is to take leadership in guiding them how to respect other people's decisions.
If in every conflict they are able to manage it on their own without adult intervention (unless it involves physical fights) , we are teaching them resiliency, which is another important life skills every child should practice.
Happy parenting!
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