Why I Gave Up On Strict School Standards

I have a confession to make. I'm appalled by traditional methods of parenting and "teaching" and it scares the soul out of me for my child. 

I have been into early childhood education field for almost 8 years. I was a teacher using traditional methods and it was until I became a mother that made me realize that I have done such a tremendous error in teaching back in the days. 

I was the traditional teacher in a classroom filled with 3-4 year old toddlers, some were as young as 1.6 year olds, and others about 4-5s. I used to make lesson plans, reports, follow curriculum, and all other "important" teaching tools, visual aids and stuff. But guess what, that was a huge blunder. However, like any other life blunders, we learn from it. A mistake that led me into a better practice, and a calmer mother.

How come following a "curriculum" or making lesson plans are now defaced in some educational philosophies? There is a huge and research-backed reasons for that. Ok, i still use visual aids though, but that is no longer about "entertaining" children. 

I am a heavy follower of REGGIO EMILIA approach. If you have not really heard about that, it's quite an age-old approach actually back in world war II days. You may look up for a more profound understanding about the approach. 

Why lesson plans scare me?As an independent homeschooler, I follow no curriculum, i make no lesson plans day in and out, I don't create ANYTHING at all. How did I survive homeschooling my child? I follow my child. I follow her lead, not her following my "teaching" agenda. She is my curriculum, our themes are formed based on her interests, there is no timeline or limit when to stop or move to another topic.

I am scared of lesson plans and pre-planned activities for the day, or themes for the week, and all other things that are prepared by adults. Why? 

My child has her own unique way of exploring, discovering, learning, questioning things. If I make preplanned activities for the day, I rob my child's natural way of doing things in her own. I rob my child's chance to imagine things on her own. I rob my child's capacity to define things on her own, to make meanings of things she does, to understand things in the way she operates. 

When I was a teacher, we prepared themes and lesson plans. Regardless of whoever child is participating, we teach what's written on the lesson plan anyway. That method scares me until I became a mother. 

What if, it is not my child's interest?the subject does not appeal to her?what if my child is just not into it? Do we label her as stubborn, unparticipative, uncooperative or simply lacks social skills? I dont think so. 

Fast forward, I became a mother, then I realized the value of connection to a child. I realized the value to going deeper than just papers and worksheets. I realized, it is not the portfolio's that calculate my child's intelligence. It is her that matters. Not the lesson plans, not the output, not the hardcopied collection of worksheets. It is my child that matters. It's how I guide my child to be more inquisitive, more questioning about all that exists, it's how we discover things together, learn things together. It is not giving direct answers to her questions, it is how we both question things and discover the answers together.

Do I get this kind of focus in schools? Does my child really become the best of who she is in schools? Or maybe, she becomes too competitive and get obsessed with award in schools? To get credit that proves of her intelligence? Knowledge is not proven by a number or grade. Intelligence is not measured by awards. Skills does not progress when it is not your interest. So yes, I gave up on strict school standards, I gave up on lesson plans, I gave up on curriculum and themes...because without all of these adult-made subjects, my child continues to learn based on her own interests, at her own time and pace.

Photo credit: Google Images

Happy Parenting!
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Teaching Reading and Writing in Toddlers

I have observed there are a lot of parents who are obsessed about "making" their very young children learn how to read and write. When I was teaching preschoolers between the ages of 3-5, parents are panicking on their children's reading and writing skills. Worry too much on their ability to read and write. And if their children haven't developed the skills yet, they question the teacher's ability to "teach" or the school's quality, or even question their child's "intelligence." The worst thing is other parents judge other kids in school that makes that child's parent feel irresponsible about their child's "incompetence."

So what does it truly mean when we say "literacy?" In early childhood, it is about reading and writing. Is there a specific age wherein we should make a child read or write formally? The answer is none, there should be no specific age. Then why do preschools bother teaching them? It has so much to do with standardized skills measurement and other "issues." The early childhood education organization all around the world are now spreading this awareness that we as educators should follow every child's individual development not what is something that is set by the government.

But it is rather a step that is not as easy to implement in schools due to issues like parents themselves are the ones demanding for such skills to be aggressively taught in order for their child to "catch" up with their peers. Then the issue becomes a loop, schools are supposed to "educate" these parents. On top of that is the business side when school owners want to get their marketability that all students in their school gets to read by age three or so--which should not be the case. So whatever it takes, for the love of gaining high profit, it doesn't matter to grill the child with phonics in one hour, who cares, they deliver their mission and the child actually is not of their main concern now, but addressing their marketability and addressing parental demand. The child? Do you really think all schools honestly think only about your child's struggles? Think a million times. Your role now is to question your child's school on how they do things around. But how to question if you have limited knowledge about natural reading and writing development? This is what this blog is all about.


What is natural literacy-rich environment? How do you make sure your child is "naturally" developing? Why is it so important?

"Children immersed in language and literacy in the home, have been found to do better at school and it begins pre-birth. As infants hear music in the womb they are able to connect that rhythm and beat to sounds they hear after birth. Language and literacy includes verbal and print media so books posters, signs and symbols in the environment stimulate conversations. Language also includes non-verbal communication through body language, gestures and facial expressions. The development of communication therefore, requires plenty of opportunities for children to practice speech. This is where talking to and with your child will make a big difference. Play environments where dressing up, pretending, drawing, storytelling, having puppets, painting music and songs all help children develop pre reading and writing skills. Basically every opportunity to interact lends itself to developing language and literacy skills from pre-birth to primary school. Most children immersed in language at home, develop strong language and literacy skills.
-EARLY CHILDOOD DEVELOPMENT

-The Six Basics Eleni McDermott 2009

So let's start with the first question:

What is a literacy-rich environment?

The process begins even before birth. Literacy provided naturally means there is no agenda in aiming to "teach" reading or writing at all.  It is the general experience of the infant child and the world around him/her.

The interaction that happens between the infant and the environment, including his primary care giver is very vital to the development of the much needed skills later on. 

Examples are:

√ singing aloud, listening to music

√ talking to your infant/toddler as often as you can (talking to non-verbal infants does not make you crazy, it helps your child develop, and NO it is not a MYTH, they respond through body gestures and responding to their non-verbal cues is already a communication)

√ interact during plays

√ eye contact when conversing with your child

√ reading stories repeatedly, puppet shows, shadow time, etc

√ providing writing tools for them to explore (pens, paper, markers, paint brush)

√ modelling a love for reading (they see you reading something so they will see how much you value reading)

√ providing reading materials for them to browse, books, magazines etc.

√ posting labels, print-related (materials that simply make a word like "menu," "medicine kit," or anything that doesn't necessarily tell a story but forms a word) signs, maps, etc.

How do you make sure your child is naturally developing?

Believe it or not, they already are developing since pre-birth. The key is basically providing them materials or tools that would help them build their literacy. You as the parent too has so much to do in helping them build a natural literacy-rich environment by setting up labels on their toys for example.

Why is it so important to create a natural literacy-rich environment for your child?

The general idea is to allow our children enjoy in an environment that provides rich literacy that is much needed for their skills later on or until they are school-age.

From birth until the age of 8 years old, your child's experiences affect their development of literacy which means, if you fail to provide an opportunity for your child the experience they need to build their literacy skills, it can potentially limit their reading and writing levels they can ultimately attain.

Each child has their own experiences while growing. Therefore, we cannot expect the same result for a group of 4 year olds to be reading fluently or writing properly. Most children learn to read by age 6 or 7. Very few read by 4, some needs intensive support by 8 or 9.

A kindergartner may have a level of a 3 years old in terms of her literacy development or a 3 year old may display a level of that of an 8 year old in her literacy development, and that doesn't matter--if only standardization is not imposed, there should never be a reason to push our children to read when they're not yet ready. 

As a conclusion, let us not try to hurt our children by putting so much pressure when they are supposed to be in the playground still, gaining experiences, interact with others, observe letters or signage around them. That experience alone is contributing to their literacy, so let us not focus too much in the four-walls of a classroom. Literacy is learned in a continuum, not in pure isolation.

How To Raise Emotionally Intelligent Child

For more than three years being around with my toddler, it has been a heartache, pure bliss, anxiety, euphoria, and all whirlwind of emotions mixed up. I get a great sense of becoming my most human self.

I feel, I forgive, I apologize, I acknowledge, I accept, I welcome or embrace her childhood and sometimes when the need arises, I suck in whatever unnecessary emotions I need to just to show to my daughter how to take leadership on things that we sometimes don't need to complain about, things that she can't do just yet, things that she demand, or things that we needed to do.

I suck in all emotions just to take leadership that sometimes, the world does not revolve around her--eventhough she means the world to me. Within those sucking-in of emotions, she never knew how it sometimes breaks me all because I want to give the world to her. But I try to be honest as much as I can.

Within our times together, we celebrate expressing our emotions. I tend to sometimes exaggerate the feeling of excitement, joy, fun and happiness because that is my natural self, not ashamed to admit. I sing aloud, I dance, I jump, I express happy things deliberately and she sees it. So she copies me.

In times of tension between us, I apologize to her. When its her turn to upset me, she apologizes to me, without me asking for it.

Those are simple expressions of emotions that are vital for every child to understand. However, it doesn't just happen automatically. You as an adult should be able to model it to them until it comes out naturally from them, like apologizing.

What are the things that we need to remember in order for young children to develop emotional intelligence? Here are some tips that I believe were very helpful in raising my emotionally intelligent child:

1.) Storytelling. This is a very powerful habit that just brings about almost all important domains that we need to help the child uncover and discover. Expressing emotions is just one of them. You can take advantage of showing all forms of emotions when you deliver the story with whatever the charater in the story is depicting.

2.) Be Genuine. Expressing your emotions should be genuine. Young children are like dogs, they can sense tension and anxiety in you arising. If you feel upset or frustrated, do not fake it. It's okay to get upset or angry. However, express your anger in the manner on how you want your child to express them. If you can't help it, remove yourself from the situation.

3.) Name your emotions, verbalize. This is very effective. I talk it out when I am upset. I don't just sulk and keep quiet. My daughter has also mastered naming her feelings, whether she's excited, upset, angry or happy. Amazingly enough, everything else followed if she wants something, she verbalizes it openly, expresses what's in her heart openly. She even demonstrates them!

When its your turn to be upset, tell them the reason. In this way, you are teaching them to explain what makes them upset too. This saves you from becoming a fortune-teller and added stress, guessing why your child is acting up. My three year old can verbally express what makes her scared, worried, happy or upset.

4.) Be consistent. When you tell your child something, do it. Do not sway away. When it's no, then it is a no, yes when it is a yes.

5.) Forgive them for being a child. Young and older children 8years old and below need our warm guidance over and over again. They don't need our unnecessary comments on what they can not do. For example, if they forgot to keep their clothes on the laundry basket, you don't need to tell them how irresponsible they are, or be sarcastic and tell them "you are a big girl already, dont you still know what to do?" Instead, consider giving them comments like "I noticed you have not dropped your clothes at the laundry basket, please remember where to keep them after use."

6.) Acknowledge feelings. Don't panic when your child cries, gets angry or frustrated. There are times when children especially young ones cry out of frustration, and that's okay. Acknowledge by saying "you are crying because you want to go to the slide.."

Offer words of understanding like telling them "I understand why you are crying..", "I am here when you need to talk to me.."

7.) Forgive yourself for upsetting them. At this point, I still feel guilty at times for not being gentle to my toddler. I even feel bad and cry about not responding to her needs appropriately. You can never model self-regulation skills if you are too hard on yourself. We need release of our emotions and stress in order for us to lead them appropriately.

8.) Offer words of Empowerment. Have you seen those youtube vids of daddies empowering their little girls first thing in the morning? That is that! Perfect example on helping your child believe in herself/himself. Filling them with optimism makes a big difference.

However, empowering your children doesn't have to be overdone. When your child tries hard to climb on the ladder and is asking for your help, saying "you can do it!" as your ways to empower their spirit may unnecessarily create pressure than trying to empower them. When your child asks for your help, offering your hand is all they need, not your words.


Raising emotionally intelligent children needs leadership, warmth and respect. You do not always need to agree with your children, but you are also not invited to talk with sarcasm to them if you do not want them to be sarcastic to you.

The world has such a huge space to express your emotions, so be free, dance and sing when you can! But if it's not your personality to be that expressive, at least practice calmness, kindness and self-regulation.

Change yourself in order for your child to see that in you. You will never be able to see what you want to see from your child if you yourself dont bother how to interact appropriately to them.

In the end, nothing compares to embracing your child's weaknesses, faults and plainly being a child. The more we accept their vulnerabilities and acknowledge them, the better they connect to us and runs back to us when they become teenagers and adults, because we never judged their feelings when they were young. 

Happy Parenting!

Animal Sounds and Other What The Heck's in Early Childhood

This is not about being harsh to people who loves teaching animal sounds to young children. Just an observation and a quick spark of some questions while wandering off in the messy world of balancing realities and the not-so-real things seen on youtube.

I was watching a nursery rhyme video my daughter tapped from my phone. It's been quite sometime since we stopped watching those supposedly "educational" nursery rhyme vids you often see on youtube, since she has elevated to a more sensible things to watch from the laptop.

As I watched along with her, I couldnt help but contemplate on the dancing cow, swaying monkeys and other odd-looking movements of an animal. What exactly are these videos trying to convey to young children? Not to really challenge every science over everything, i just noticed and began to question myself, why the heck would a cow dance that way? Or a monkey sound that way, or a horse dance like some confused animal while producing the sound they "supposedly" make. 

As far as reality is concerned, I don't see the relation between trying to show a video of confused animals to enhancing whatever skills a child needs to enhance. Why do we even teach fake animal sounds to young children? 

I had no issues about these things, my daughter also watches those when she was really younger---and I do not exactly know why I let her watch confused animals. I don't try to evaluate everything, in fact this realization came only tonight..

I couldn't help but connect the idea as well on why do we let children, i mean toddlers, study shapes, colors, alphabets, numbers, forced to read, drilled with phonics, forced to write, etc...when there was no scientific study that these things are integral part on being a human being. Compared to looking deeply on what's essential, their socio-emotional intelligence and other skills every human being needs to "succeed" in this world.

As I watched the video and wandered off in the land of questions, I couldn't help but ask, how complicated have we made early childhood these days? Or do I rather ask, how quick do we replace real connection between children and real things with these non-sensical videos? Surely it is very entertaining, but these questions made me ask, why the heck would people want to project to young children a dancing cow, confused horse or an annoyed-looking monkey? 

Teachable Moment: Respect and Resiliency

It was breakfast when my toddler requested to watch Alvin and The Chipmunks from her cousin's laptop. Her oldet cousins are aged 12, 11 and 8. All were way older than her.

Her cousins were still using the laptop. Her request was something that's not mine to control. Cousins were on their laptop and my little one wanted to watch the video. Hhmmm..she asked for the movie.

If I use my adult power, I can easily request it from them and ask them to give the little one a chance. But wait, what will I be teaching my toddler then? Will I be teaching her respect to other people if I oust her cousins in favor of her request? I don't think so.

So what I did instead was talk to my little one to ask her cousins if it's ok to watch the movie with them. She agreed. She went inside the room and asked her cousins politely. They agreed. They watched together. It was all good. I was happy. They were happy.

After a few minutes, my little one came to me again and said, "mommy, I want to watch here at the sala.." hhhhmmm... I told her, have you asked your cousins? She said yes. So I asked "what did they say?" She said, "they said, NO."

Alright. I thought what to do for awhile. While looking at her, I politely told her that the laptop does not belong to us and if they refuse to bring it to the sala, that means we respect what they say. She begged. "Mommy, please come to me and tell them...."

There goes her toddlehood agenda kicking in. I knew what she wanted me to do. But I stayed firm at telling her it is not our choice to decide. We respect what they say. The laptop is not ours and we cannot do anything about it. If you wish to still watch the movie, join them in the room and watch it there, I said.

She begged and got teary. I was a little anxious since I didn't ever want to turn her down. But I stayed calm and firm. I'm sorry my love, we can't force them.

She sat down with me while at the dining table and started to grab the Tarzan book within reach. She browsed the book and started to ask some questions. In my line of thought, I got relieved.

In early childhood education, there is this term we call "teachable moment." To quote, 

"A teachable moment is an unplanned opportunity that arises in the classroom where a teacher has an ideal chance to offer insight to his or her students. A teachable moment is not something that you can plan for; rather, it is a fleeting opportunity that must be sensed and seized by the teacher."

In this case, the teachable moment was not only for her, but for me. 

I thought, had I give in to her request in bringing the laptop at the sala ignoring her cousins refusal, I wouldn't be teaching her respect. 

I learned, when you take leadership in every situation your child is into, small conflict as this won't progress into bigger ones in the future. It was an opportunity for me, to stand my ground, teach my child about respecting other's decision and discipline my child in a non-threatening way. 

In children's world, it is not every parents' battle to intervene every single conflict they encounter with other children, neither our job to manipulate other children in favor of our own child's requests. Our role is to take leadership in guiding them how to respect other people's decisions.

 If in every conflict they are able to manage it on their own without adult intervention (unless it involves physical fights) , we are teaching them resiliency, which is another important life skills every child should practice. 

Happy parenting! 

Don't Worry, It's Okay.

Just before we finished our dinner, my toddler requested for a milo drink while I made my coffee on a cold rainy evening. She drank happily while I did my routine: finishing my meal and chatting to my mother.

She played and was happily running slowly around the house, to and fro. Sipping her milo once in awhile.

Then it happened. I didn't see it, but the milo splattered from the table! On to my bag, down to her books, the curtains and the floor.

She stood frozen. Looking at me intently after I carelessly reacted, " Naaaah!! See what happened?!" obviously in a disappointed manner, but never in a manner of yelling.

Without another word, I stood up and took the wipe from the kitchen. As I took the wipe, I reminded myself how she stood frozen, I reminded myself that it is just a splattered milo, and I reminded myself of my little girl's face, just a toddler who makes minor accidents at times, and that it is better not to say anything at the moment of my disappointment.

I wipped everything without saying anything while she was still there at the spot where her milo spilled.

While I was wiping, she blurted out these words to me:

"Don't worry, it's okay..."

What a reassuring phrase coming from my three year old. I am not only humbled, but I have learned yet again.

Everyday, I learn a thing or two from my toddler from the situations where we both are into. Sure my face was not compassionate at all, yet it was another good try to enhance my self-regulation skills, by not yelling, nagging or shouting.

After the cleaning up, I gently came to her and told her, next time it is best not to run inside the house. She then told me the reason why she ran, and said "tomorrow, I will not run anymore so I will not spill my milo."

No broken spirits, crying soul, negative energies. All was about learning self-regulation, out of a splattered milo.

One splattered milo at a time, one self-regulation learning at a time.

Happy Parenting!

I Kissed Co-Sleeping Goodbye (Lessons Learned)

I Kissed Co-Sleeping Goodbye (Lessons Learned)

I built a fairy-themed reading nook for my toddler inside our small-spaced room. I attached book holders on the side wall and decorated it with tool curtains. The succeeding week I thought of hanging a real small tree branch on the ceiling, right above her nook to give it a forest-like feel of hanging out with nature-creatures as she browse on her books, or do our storytelling sessions. I embellished it with some plastic leaves to complete the project. Finally, it was almost complete! 

That night, she laid her sleeping pillows on her “labored” reading nook as she comfortably experienced the area. It was sleeping time, I thought of helping her move her pillows to “our” shared bed across her nook. Surprisingly, she resisted politely. I asked her if she wants to sleep on her reading nook instead. She nodded.

I gladly accommodated her decision thinking that it could be just for that moment, while the lights were on at least. It didn’t dawn on me that it was the beginning. The beginning of the un-anticipated separation of sleeping-- for I don’t know how long, it could be until she becomes an adult. There were all those “threatening” elements happened that night that could presumably discourage her from sleeping on her own. There was mister loud thunder; lights were off, and it was her FIRST TIME to sleep without me literally by her side and so on. But she politely asked me to come beside her for awhile...(I said to myself, I knew it! she’d only going to ask US to “move” our sleeping area!)...but after softly asking me, this is what she said:

“You come to me for awhile mommy, but only for awhile...after that, you need to move back to YOUR bed until the thunder is gone....”

This is not happening now, please not yet. It was an overwhelming confused mixture of emotions that enveloped me. What have I done? What. Have. I. Done.

So much about how it started, there is something that I have learned here. My personal reflection of her having to successfully sleep through the night “away” from me without any traces of anxiety on her part was quite intriguing at the same time very reassuring for me. I was moved due to the fact that most kids her age can’t sleep without having to smell the scent of their parents before drifting away to their dreamland—which is what I now start to long for. This teaches me so much about giving the very essential life skill any child deserves. Let me share some thoughts before any of this amazing decision-making skill display happened. Consider reading the two important points my little girl has taught me.

Before my 3 year old toddler decided to sleep on her own, I learned that she has managed to build her: 

CONFIDENCE. This word is not as easy as how it looks. I’m even lost for words on how to put it as simple as possible. Okay here we go, when my daughter decided to sleep alone, I later realized it was not only about independence or her plain exploration on the new space. It was confidence. Where did it come from? In our daily interaction, she mostly enjoys “deciding” about little things on her own. How can she decide for herself when to bathe on her own? It was from the opportunities presented to her. It was when the opportunity was there, she grabbed her chance to try on her own, and I had to build that trust with her, that no matter how imperfect it would be, I trusted that she can do it. The relationship between building your trust to your child is very crucial in building their confidence in doing things on their own. It may happen on very small things, from choosing what cup to use down to respectfully listening to them when they say they are done eating. I had no idea these small things contributed to her making big moves such as sleeping “away” from me. 

Confidence is a very important life skill we can help our young children. I did not fully realize that building up their confidence come in small packages like those things I have aforementioned.  It only dawned on me the moment she decided to “leave” me, dang! That oozing confidence is just way too impressive!—trust me, it’s an unbiased opinion! :P

TRUST. This is something that is very hard to just give away to ANYBODY. But how can you trust yourself if the people around you initially do not trust you? This is a very sentimental issue for me. As the youngest, the earliest “mistrust” I encountered from my mother has never been forgotten. It is until now stuck in my head, that very moment, those specific choice of words, the way it was being said, the clothes I wore, the place where it happened and how it happened. It got stuck in me I guess because my mother was the very first person I expected would help me trust myself. But it didn’t happen. I was scarred for life after that. Let me share a quick story about it. 

One muddy morning, we had to leave for school. There were puddles everywhere. I was with my older sister on our way to school. My mom left a strict instruction to my sister, telling her:

Always watch out for your little sister, it’s muddy, AND SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO AVOID THOSE PUDDLES.

Upon hearing those words, I felt terrible. I wanted to rebel. I didn’t want my sister to hold my hand. I wanted to show them that I can do it! That was the very sad emotion I felt that very instant. It may not have the same effect to others, but to me, it has shaken my core.

Based on that personal story, the instruction was very well-meant. Nothing so negative about telling my sister to watch over me. But those words did not mean well to help me build trust in myself. I felt INCAPABLE. I felt the very person whom I should gather strength from and belief in myself did not support me. I was 6 years old then.

This little toddler now, has managed to trust herself that she can do it, she is capable of sleeping alone. How come? Perhaps it was those series of encounters we have everyday that I carefully and mindfully choose what to say. The hardest let-go of my trust in her was when she actually asked me that she wants to bathe by HERSELF. ALONE. WITHOUT ME. I had to bite my tongue and not tell her that she can’t do it yet. I had to support her idea, her confidence by TRUSTING her. Had I robbed her from taking a bath by herself because she just can’t do it yet, I swear she’d feel exactly the same I felt when my mother didn’t trust me well. I did give trust a shot. It was very hard since bathing involves water—which we can associate to drowning and all sorts of horrible bathroom accidents. But there are a thousand ways to manage without sending them the message that they are incapable little beings. 

I did not despise my mother after that and I do not despise her now. It just so happened that it felt terrible not being trusted by the person you trust the most. Like I said, essential life skills come in small packages. Very simple daily encounters such as these can be a lifetime heartbreaker or could save your little from having trust issues about him/herself. So better be careful what to say and be mindful in choosing your words. 

Although trust is not necessarily an “active” verb, we can’t just say “good” things to them without showing our gestures that we do honestly trust them. We can’t tell them to “go on bathe by yourself, I trust you”, but then again, there you go obviously showing them that you are fidgeting with panic and fear drenched in cold sweats. What I’m saying is, when you say you trust them, at least show it to them that you really do. Young children are highly sensitive to body signals and physical gestures. 

Consider your colleague, your “trusted” friend, your boss or perhaps a loved one would challenge your capabilities by saying “hey, I think you can’t run that 5km dash marathon, you look heavy, your heart just can’t make it, you don’t look athletic, you just can’t make it..” Wouldn’t it feel insulting, making you gather all your guts by showing them all your skills, perhaps even back talking? Why? Because it just doesn’t feel right when people question your capabilities and simply show you they don’t trust you enough. That is a negative motivation.  It feels the same way for toddlers even babies! 

Instead of saying:

• Stop climbing on the stairs; you don’t know how to use the stairs yet!
• Don’t climb the window it will break your arms!
• Stop playing inside the bathroom you might drown!
• Let me tie your shoelace because you’re too slow.
• Stop washing the dishes your hands are too small you might break it!

Consider saying:

• I see you are interested on climbing the stairs, let’s go and explore it together!
• I feel you love to use your muscle strength by climbing on the window, let me stand behind you in case you fall.
• You love exploring the water don’t you? Let me fill the small basin for you. (If it’s not bathing time, you can always say firmly: I know it feels good to play with the water, but it’s not bathing time yet, how about we play fill-in-the-cups with water at the living room so we don’t get you soaked?)
• Tying a shoelace feels interesting, but I think we are running late for our appointment, how about we do it together for now?
• Washing dishes is a wonderful house chore, can we do it together?
• 
  

Trust does not necessarily have to be torturous for us, parents or caregivers. When things are a bit too risky for them to even try, you can always offer words that don’t necessarily make them think less about their own capabilities. Young children are capable beings who need constant guidance from the adults around them, not constant rants that would make them question their own capabilities, thus leaving them always anxious and untrusting about their own self. 

If it seems very difficult for you to let-go of your trust, at least do not let your child hear it from you.

My little girl has taught me how trust is built. It was a process that didn’t naturally occur to me. Her eagerness and physically active toddlerhood taught me how to let go and trust in her. Her wishes pushed me to stop being so hyper-protective when she wanted to climb our window grills. She has taught me to stop worrying when she runs freely on a vast grassy ground. There were so many missed moments I did not trust her so well, I regret it. But I have learned.  

Along with my motherhood journey, is her daddy, who made a colossal impact of letting go with my trust issues to our daughter and simply showed me how to fully trust our little tot. He has shown me, that allowing our child ride a toy car by herself has liberated our daughter with the strong feeling of confidence, independence and strong sense of self-trust at that moment. I give my husband the full credit at being better in providing our daughter a strong dose of taking bold risks. I’ am still working at it though, but with the results I have seen so far, I can only get better. One confidence and trust-building at a time, one growing confident and self-trusting toddler!

Sometimes, it is not just about mere common sense when we are raising children, especially young kids. It looks as easy as that, but if you come face to face with a young child, you are also faced with a lot of questions in your mind on how to properly address some issues that's why parenting blogs and other parenting articles are created for parents who are at their wits ends and when all common sense has left you somewhere.

CONFIDENCE AND TRUST, two most important life lessons I have learned....when I kissed co-sleeping goodbye....