Intervention At Play and Development: When Is Too Much, Too Much.

Sure we have been reading a lot of blog entries or articles about child play and child development. We know that play is learning itself. But as an adult supervising young child, how do you know when to stop interrupting or start intervening? These things surely don't come with a specialized handbook for us to stay guided point by point, because certainly, there is no standardized approach in everything. Being with a young child, everything else should be customized according to their individual interests and developmental phase.

What exactly is individual interest? In its simplest form, let me give you an example. In our daily routine with my sweetcakes, I always make it a point that I'm giving her enough freedom to choose the pyjamas she likes. It has always been our routine after bathing, I let her choose by herself which one she wants to wear. There are times, I trim it down to preparing two pj's and let her choose which one suits her mood for the day. Indeed, she gets the feeling that her choices are ok, and we settle with it.

Another example of individual interest is about colors. Most adults primarily already has a built-in stereotyping when it comes to colors and so with other toys. Blue is for boys and pink is only for girls. One time, I needed to buy her a new toilet seat. The lady apparently offered automatically the only available color she believes suitable for girls. I looked at my little toddler looking like it didn't suit her taste, so I told the lady, give me another toilet seat whatever the color is. My sweetcakes interestingly examined the choices, one is pink and the other is blue. I knelt down to her level and asked, which one do you like here? She gently pointed to the blue one. I asked her again, are you sure you like this than the other one? She said, "yes." So I then added, that choice is nice! You've got cute animal design on it! She squealed excitedly and told me she's gona hold on to it when taking "poopo" so she wouldn't fall.



Looking at the two examples, most of us tend to choose things WE would want for them. Adults ALWAYS feel that we know better than them. Seriously, when it comes to child interest, how many times have we intervened too much, to choose this and that, blue is for boys, kitchen set is only for girls, and dolls are EXCLUSIVELY for girls? No freaking way! Who says that household tools toy set is only for boys? Apparently, I have saved your time researching loads of resources that says pink is only for girls and computers are only for boys. There is none. It's just US and our stereotypical minds.

If we keep on intervening a lot on simple choices of our young children, we are teaching them to be dependent and insecure about their own decision-making skills later in life. There are so many helicopter parents who never had bad intentions, and are still clueless about it. But those who grew up to these types of parents can always look back and make changes on how to raise their own.

Even when our kids are at play, The moment we step in to their world of play, we intervene. It is very critical to evaluate our phrases first before we utter things to them. Not all play intervention is harmful, in fact we sometimes need to intervene. But how do we know when it is already becoming too much and when it is not?  When a child plays, it would be helpful to observe them and not disrupt them.

Observation is the key. Quietly observe them first and stop telling them what to do, telling them what to do is too much intervention already, I'd say, its more similar to intrusion. Things like "this is how a dinosaur should look like baby...." is definitely not a good thing when your child is trying her best to put it together. It is rather appropriate to offer our mastered skills of crafting ONLY when they seek help. Whilst it is not a taboo to ask them questions like, "why do you love making this shape?" it might be necessary to stay back until we find them sharing things on their own moment, not ours. When your child is fully engaged in playing, it is our turn to keep quiet and stop trying to "teach" them how things are supposed to be done. There is no correct and proper way to play.

A child may almost always express their unwantedness on something in a lot of ways especially in play. Things they are not interested to would always require them to say NO. At this point, their NO should be listened to, welcomed and respected. Forcing and insisting what WE ADULTS want will leave them feeling devalued and ignored. When a child gets quiet and deeply engaged, don't interrupt. Quietly observe them and let them enjoy the momentum.

To quote from the article released on Saturday, July 16, 2016 entitled Be The Spark That Ignites The Flame, it highlighted the respectful way of caring for young infants and children without too much intervening on their own world.

"Magda Gerber, mentored by Emmi Pikler, traveled to Los Angeles and carried the flame with her.  Gerber'sEducaring® Approach incorporates:

"...a deep respect and appreciation of the baby as more than a helpless object, Magda Gerber’s Educaring® Approach encourages infants and adults to trust each other, learn to problem solve, and embrace their ability for self-discovery. When allowed to unfold in their own way and in their own time, children discover and inspire the best in themselves and in others."
- Resources for Infant Educarers"

Interestingly, young children's interests don't just end there. Some are just objects for them to investigate, explore, discover and see how a specific object operates. It poses a great oppoertunity for us to help them develop critical thinking by asking how one thing leads to another. These are the great opportunities for us to guide and learn alongside with them how a certain color changes when mixed with another.


Developmental Phase. It is a Filipino belief or pride and often a misconception, I have noticed, that one or a mile step ahead is better. It is undeniably better to be one step ahead but it doesn't apply in ALL things, especially in early childhood.  Aiming to be "advanced" and asking the school administrator to "move up" their child to a higher level is an everyday dilemma I face while managing the learning centre. Traditionally, adults take pride and even boast that their child has been advanced one year ahead from their original birth year. I personally don't find it encouraging for young children. School administrators and educators know when to move every child who NEEDS to be moved to another level higher than their age groups and we do it because it is very necessary. It is not something that is given to any child just to feed parental ego. It is appropriately given and it is almost UNNECESSARY and might even be harmful to move them up should parents insist.

This is a concrete example of too much intervention on their developmental phase on the academic side. Young children are supposed to be assisted on things they are WILLING and READY to do, not PRESSURE them with challenges that we adults deem as necessary.

Talking about academes, there has never been a study that a child is required to learn the alphabets, numbers or know colors at a young age. There has never been a research that will testify that studying shapes and memorizing numbers at the age of three is helpful for their everyday survival. It is the society which has made this pressure among parents. But somehow in our adult world, we are impressed at how a young child memorizes the numbers. We are so often get busy at "teaching" them a lot of things and if they don't get it, we end up getting frustrated and brand the child "slow."  As a result, we yell, we lose our temper and break down. What exactly are we teaching them? It is beyond the numbers and the alphabets. It is not wrong to send your child to school at an early age, but it pays to deeply scrutinize the type of school and their mission in guiding young children. I would never recommend any preschool that overly pressures children with assignments and drill them with alphabets and numbers. No thank you. It is not impressive at all.

Sadly, in Philippine setting, more young learners are given tremendously disappointing standardized workheets and the results upsettingly influence their evaluation cards.

There are hundreds of available studies how pushing academics on children as young as 4 year olds can harmfully damage children's wellbeing. Quoting from my favorite blogger Janet Lansbury's entry on her blog entitled 4 Reasons To Ditch Academic Preschools:

"Funneling academics down to preschools to “better prepare” children to deal with an already overly academic Kindergarten experience is a waste of time, and this “miseducation”, as Dr David Elkindrefers to it in Miseducation- Preschoolers at Risk, can cause “damage to a child’s self-esteem, the loss of the positive attitude a child needs for learning, the blocking of natural gifts and potential talents.”

Here is the link of her entire blog which I urge every parent to read, that yes, WE CANNOT RUSH DEVELOPMENT. http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/4-reasons-to-ditch-academic-preschools/.

In the end, let us not fail to realize that what our children truly need is a community that accepts their individuality, we cannot put words on our children's mouths if they want to express something. We cannot dismiss something so beautifully interwoven into their richly-thinking brains and tell them that a rainbow only has 7 colors. In creativity, there is no standards to be followed, and by intervening too much, we are killing the child's ability to think and imagine.

Happy parenting!

I Love You, Because You're Here

Out of the blue, she blurted "I love you because you're here...."

I didn't need to double confirm from books and articles that our presence as parents is what they mostly need. Not out in the park, the malls, the beach or outdoor, not even the toys. It's right here, with them. I, her mother, is enough to make her day worthwhile and happy.

It was past lunch time when she did her usual play routine. I was with her, though not participating on her play. She came closer to me busy with something she got engaged to. Out of the blue she blurted, I love you because you're here. She didn't mind, but I did.

I came close to her and asked her, "are you happy when I'm here?" She nodded and smiled. Then proceeded with her business.

It is not supposedly surprising to me hearing this revelation. But when it came straight from my own, it hit a heartstring. I realized its not our outdoor trips that made her smile. It wasn't my biggest attempt of arranging her play area that made her happy. It was me. It was my presence.

Her play area meant nothing if I wasn't there to pretend as her student, while she, a teacher. She would ask me to go and sit down and would specifically tell me "not like that, do like this..." when she wanted me to do something that I quite couldn't get what she meant.

Sure, articles are flying and the knowledge is there that presence is in fact, not just a mere fad about parenting. It's an undebatable fact that is it a necessity. Not something you can just close your eyes and convince yourself that it is okay. For me, it is not OKAY. It is never okay to rob your child the chance to be with you and force that it is going to be alright. It will never be alright for them. Our job is to quit prioritizing other things. That's parenting.

When Adults Become Malicious

Earlier I posted a video about my daughter playing along with her cousins. Windows were shut, series lights were turned on, music of their choice was played, raw macaroni was being poured on my daughter's head as they enjoyed their self-directed play.

As I looked in surprise, I got delighted how creative they have been. Clearly it was a fun all discovered by them, putting all the elements together, light's off to appreciate the series lights blinking in a dark room, music on based on their preference. Well, the collection of music my nephew had were all modern pop wherein my daughter was also familiar of.

Stepping back, if I switched on my "adult mind or orientation," or probably my judgmental button, I would automatically, without any doubt, associate it to being similar to "clubbing." But, looking at the scenario at their own perspective, they have never been to such places. Doing it at their own exploration and discovery is something that's non-addicting, and entirely far from being harmful or even morally questionable.

What is questionable is how we adults attempt or jump at associating things they do to how our orientation is. It is honestly similar to putting malice when a child curiously asks what a penis is.

You might find it funny, but what is funnier is how adults think so differently from young kids.

The scenario on my video was a plain example of young children enjoying and just having fun with the blinking lights, showering macaroni while enjoying the music. I myself introduced the series lights to my daughter with windows shut and lights off--to appreciate the wonder of a blinking series light which by the way won't be enticing for exploration if the windows are opened.

Dark does not equate to bad. It is similar to black versus white. These are natural things around. Colors, bright or dark, boys and girls. Bisexual people are being maliciously misinterpreted because that's how young kids are being influenced by adult perceptions. Thats how adult mind operates differently from young kids.

If you are so used to being with kids, especially the young ones, your perception about the world changes. You'd realize how adults poison little kids' minds. Your influence is very critical and if you are not very much aware of it, better get a proper education first before you poison a child's exploring and curious little beings.

Why I Don't Give Rewards And Punishments To My Toddler

I have been taught during my college days about rewards and punishments. In psychology, we reinforce 'good behaviour' by giving rewards and punish unacceptable or undesirable ones. Even in my BS-Education subject, Principles of Teaching, we motivate students' through rewards system. In parenting, I'm doubtful whether it's rightful to give either reward or punishment accordingly. Reward is such a good term, punishment is indeed a very strong negative word. During my (early childhood) teaching days, I believed in the 'efficacy' of both terms, should we apply them appropriately. Not until I became a mother that I started to have a deeper understanding whether it's rightful for me to give rewards for 'good behaviour' or punish my own child for her 'undesirable' actions, at least in my own 'practice' as a mother.

In my daily encounter with my sweetcakes, who is now 2.8 years old, she has managed to make deals with me. Deals that we sometimes disagree (peacefully at most times, bloodily at some), and most of the time, agree. Whenever she wanted to do something that's contributing to feeding her curiosity, I happily allow her. Whenever it was time to brush her teeth or take a bath or do whatever is necessary for her hygiene or saving her life from health-threatening situations (before she climbs on risky parts of the house, during my watch, I always as much as I can, remind her to refrain from climbing on that area), I always speak to her in advance and set expectations at what we're about to do.

Sometimes she follows, sometimes she doesn't (like climbing, so I had to find a spot where I could easily catch her when she falls). But hey, what's the big deal?! Aren't we in our own adult world sometimes tend to not do things we needed to do? What matters is, we have tried our darn best to form the habit, but does it make us a neglectful parent if sometimes our kids just do what they are designed to do?--Test our limits (and sometimes just being lazy and it's totally OKAY to get lazy SOMETIMES). Say they didn't want to brush their teeth just yet, do you punish them after you have repeatedly told them to do so? Some parents do, even resort to spanking. But for me? hell no. I don't punish just because she didn't want to brush her teeth just yet. Spanking is a lazy form of discipline. And nope, I don't reward her either for cooperating with me accordingly (that's another form of bribery I'd say--only that its done after the 'desired' behaviour). Instead, I allow her to express herself if she wants to do it later (I give time,I can wait, but I don't have the whole day to wait--and you can define an abuse of the word 'later' from the real 'later'). When the 'later' is over, I firmly remind her that later is now, sometimes she would negotiate for another 'later' I still give her a couple of minutes more. On the third attempt, it is my role  now to set limits and get her toothpaste and toothbrush and initiate on brushing her teeth. I also encourage switching roles, I let her hold her toothbrush and let her start, then I would always do a follow-up brushing. Giving her time is not condoning. It is called respect. But if it becomes a habit or an excuse or sometimes abuse, you can always firmly make a deal and state some facts on what could possibly happen if they refuse to do so. Do I need to punish? I don't think so. Do I need to reward her for complying? I don't think so.

Looking into that situation, some of you might say that I am condoning her acts of not complying to her daily routines as part of establishing healthy habits. Dear friends, its not condoning, neither conditioning her that it's totally OKAY everytime she says she's not doing things. What was my course of action when she suddenly didn't like toothbrushing? I had to put on my "investigator cape" and see what is the reason behind her refusal to brush her teeth, yes, I do have all the time to do that because I choose to make and take time. Until finally, I found out it was the taste of her toothpaste that made her resistant. She can talk but she never mentioned she disliked the taste, (I wonder why she didn't tell me when she just blabs anything away everyday!). So I figured it out. Come to think of it, it takes one snap to break my little darling's soul had I not looked at the reason behind and immediately 'punish' her for her refusal. It takes a little amount of patience, respect and investigation to sort things out. Hypothetically, it applies to all things that we do. I don't punish. It is not my way of discipline to instill fear. Fear is something that people instill (intentionally) to control things. I don't want to discipline her by instilling fear on her just for her to follow my 'orders.' Another struggle for us is her eating time. She is in a stage wherein her taste-buds are highly sensitive and selective to tasty dishes! She used to love my cooking, but not anymore. She eats something that soothes her mood today, the next day, expect another menu is highly necessary. She still eats anyway, and  nope, she neither has diet issues nor anything that's alarming or something that poses threat to her health.

You see, those are some of the few situations wherein I can considerably apply rewards or punishments supposedly, but I decline to do so. There is no reason for me to give reward on something that she needs to do, but don't get me wrong, I give gifts but not for doing what I ask her to do. There is no reason for me to punish if the needed and respectful actions are done. I view punishments as something that's intentionally done to let someone suffer in order to realize mistakes. It may be effective and appropriate for someone who is already an adult or secondary students capable of evaluating misplaced behavior. But to toddlers who lack the skills of fully understanding the world around them, I don't think punishments are necessary, WHATEVER form it is. In my experience as a mother and a teacher, I talk and keep repeating myself day in and out. I don't expect young toddlers to RIGIDLY follow routines AT ALL TIMES. They are designed to break rules, and your appropriate response and leadership is much needed, not breaking their hearts and self-esteem.

I am in the position right now that every move I make is being carefully watched, so every response I do, I try as much as my human capacity, to respond accordingly. She intently looks at every response I make.  But still being human, I am very much capable of getting green and nasty, and when that happens, I just had to let it out and she sees me getting angry. I let her see me get angry. She sees how my facial expression turns sour, she sees how my tone of voice changes, and of course, she sees me yell  (but as much as I can hold it, I try my very best not to and that doesn't make us a monster parent). But what I make sure she doesn't see from me is throwing stuff when I'm angered. Hitting something or spanking her. It is very easy to release parental anger, especially when limits are being pushed and tested. I view punishments more as a release of our anger, rather than teaching them lessons. It feels both bad and good releasing our stress through spanking them, yelling them hard, giving time-outs and after doing such, we feel bad at how we released our own misplaced emotions as adults, then we say 'I love you' (and mostly explain afterwards--which contradicts to my belief that most of the time, young kids usually remember WHAT YOU DO THAN WHAT YOU SAY) after every hit or punishment is being done, doesn't that sound confusing to the already-confused young kids?

What about giving punishments as consequence to an undesirable act, like grabbing important stuff such as passports, keys or probably hitting daddy's face hard? Do we necessarily punish them? For important stuff first (they ALWAYS love to grab things that's darn important to us and prompt us to fall on our seats and scream NOOOOO!!!) I'd love to take passport as one very important stuff that my daughter always scavenge from my bag (my bag is her favorite toy by the way where most important stuff are there and you cant just safe-proof your bag at all times). I'm still not convinced to punish her, instead, I calmly tell her that "you are holding my passport, that is a very important thing for mommy, I need you to give it to me." Usually she would say "just look only mommy...." From there, I gently tell her that "we can look at it together and when we are done looking, I need you to put it back in my bag." IT ALWAYS ALWAYS works. Trust me, she doesn't harm it or tear it or crumple it because I allow her to discover it with my supervision. Should I scream at her with a giant NO and chase after her, naturally she would run away and we'd be like crazy cat and mouse in the house. Should I panic and grab it immediately from her hand, my passport would be dismantled, and it would defeat my purpose on trying to save it from its death. What about hitting daddy's face hard? This requires strategy and sometimes giving flat affect on every hit works. This could just be a phase or you are giving too much attention to make the hitting end. And NO, it doesn't require me to hit her back (as a punishment) to make her feel how it feels to be hit. In every attempt to hit, we can also defend ourselves by holding their hand and prompt them by saying "you are about to hit me, I cannot let you do that..." Encourage them to express their emotions by talking and asking them why are they hitting. Sometimes, hitting is an expression of displaced excitement. Like me, I sometimes hand flap when I'm overwhelmed (but that doesn't make me autistic).

Parenting indeed is quite confusing already. Me being a woman, I have a built-in mixed up of emotions going here and there, I experience hormonal changes every now and then. But that doesn't excuse me from establishing respectful discipline. Working with young kids is not like following a step-by-step procedure in order to achieve a desired output. It is not similar to following an exact recipe of baking a cake and expect a perfect taste. It is rather closer to mixing a salad adding this and that and see what suits your taste buds better at least for today because chances are, you might need to change your mixture for tomorrow. Happy parenting!

Teaching Mama: When Do We Let Children Be The Curriculum?

Teaching Mama: When Do We Let The Children Be The Curriculum?: As a teacher, I do spend enough (sometimes more than enough) effort in preparing the activities for my classes. I handle children as yo...

Curriculum Planning: Follow Your Child's Lead

As an educator, I do spend enough (sometimes more than enough) effort in preparing the activities for my classes. I handle children as young as 18 months up to 5 years old, currently and all groups are unique and very interesting.

I have my personal beliefs in being an educator. From my past training and experiences, curriculum is as important as breathing in our field. Without it, we simply can't survive our day, or worst, we just have no direction and "teaching" is less purposeful. I have designed curricula myself and was able to successfully carry out each written plan. I'm quite obsessed at following routines. That's what curricula are made of after all, for us to have a sense of goals and objectives and a sense of standard to follow. 

Curricula are sometimes biased

In spite of that, I have slowly come to a sense of rebirth that some curricula are totally biased (at least most of the time) if it is done without careful observation based on child interest. Most are teacher-centered, not child-centered. I do understand if some (or most) educators will disagree as I know the painful effort we invest to accomplish things like lesson plans. But when should we stop making our own plans on what we what our child to "learn"? The answer is NOW. 

Expect the unexpected

I always have this encounter with my youngest class. They always surprise me with their uncanny reactions to what has been prepared for the day! It's interesting how terrified they become with a simple mask that's posted on the board for them to decorate! 

Here's what happened:

I prepared masks for each one of them to decorate however they like it. The plan was to make them spread some glue, sprinkle some glitters, post some tiny papers around it, fill it with colors and just be creative (Teacher-centered-not good). Perhaps (I was ready for this) crumple the mask or simply tear it. So I came to class excited and ready to give away their materials!Oh boy! Have I totally lost my senses and made them feel terrified with my superhero mask upon entering the room?!?! Yes, kind of. They got scared of me. I was excited. I had a very huge smile. They were horribly scared. They started to get cranky and cried. 

Educator's role

What's an educator to do when your plan just didn't end or should I say, start up the way you anticipated it? Plan B. switch hats and just guide them on something that may spark their interest. If I insisted on my planned activity because that's what has been written on the curriculum, then I fail as an educator. Being compliant to your plans is one thing, but insisting on something that did not interest them is another thing. It is like forced-feeding a child that is already very upset yet you don't stop the feeding. Isn't it disgraceful? That's what happened in one of my classes. In fact, it happens to all teachers too. But the trick is be observant and intentional. My role as an educator is not to "teach" them what I think they need to learn. My role is to observe and guide them, to set up invitations to learning that is of their interests, not mine, not the ones being planned, and to finally trust them to lead the way.  

So instead of masks, they excitedly rolled up the bottled water filled with food coloring, 

slammed their body on it pretending it to be a bowling ball (dizzy play), 

while another one was keeping herself amused with her shadows !! 

and color mixing always saves the day! They're happy. I'm satisfied. They learn in a non-threatening way. They explored based on what interests them and they got engaged because they chose their own activity not what has been planned.

So here's my take on curriculum, we made them, teachers do prepare them (teacher-centered). But sometimes (in fact, it's always), it's just not right. 

Learning is limitless

In the area of learning, we can't contain it and give limits to it by telling a child what they need to lear, dictating what they should explore. I value every single thing a child does in child care centres, from shaking liquids to pouring sand on the floor. Isn't it amazing how some things that look interesting to us aren't always as interesting to them? How a simple leaf can provoke their curiosity? 

Embracing changes

I have an unrelenting faith in today's early childhood education, and I have seen a massive (positive) change in this generation compared to mine. In spite of the rigid practices in teaching during my time, I came to be who I am today. Some teaching methods that are being practiced in other countries now are slowly gaining popularity and in fact giving impact to early childhood industry. As time evolves, we can't always stick to what has been, let's embrace change and be open to new challenges in the field of early childhood education. 

Teaching Mama: Respectful Parenting - A Precursor To A Happy Child...

Teaching Mama: Respectful Parenting: A Precursor To A Happy Child...: A lot of instances in our parenting lives we are faced with quite a colossal degree of confusion, anger, annoyance or irritability wh...